Too Far This Time
by Unmarked In Death As In Life
Summary: "This time you've gone too far. You'll pay, Merlin." Mordred is angry at Merlin for betraying him and revealing where she was, but is she still the same person he knew?
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: To anyone that is reading 'Where Duty Lies,' I will continue that soon and I'm very sorry for not updating it in ages; I've just been really busy:/_

_Anyway, am I the only person who watched the thingy-bob for the next episode and just went 'NOOOO!' I DON'T WANT TO MORDRED TO BETRAY CAMELOT! MERLIN, IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!' No? Okay then, just me..._

_I actually ship Merdred so much!_

_I also really don't want Merlin to end :c Ive been really sad about that :(_

_Anyway, back to the actual fanfiction c:_

_Disclaimer: As much as I wish I did, I do not own Merlin or any of it's characters._

_Sorry for my awful writing and please forgive me if I make spelling and grammar mistakes. Feel free to critique/criticise anything; I really don't mind._

_Enjoy c:_

/

"This time you've gone to far! You'll pay, Merlin!" Mordred shouted angrily, grabbing Merlin by the scruff of his shirt and pushing him up against a nearby wall. "You don't know how much I care about her! I can't watch her die!"

Merlin shifted uncomfortably, refusing to meet Mordred's gaze as the young druid shouted at him. He wanted to use his magic against him, or shout some retort claiming it was for the best, but he couldn't force himself to do it. Even though he felt angry himself, he couldn't help but feel horrible for what he'd done. More than anything though, Merlin felt a gaping hole tearing in his heart, getting bigger and bigger with every passing moment. He knew the cause, but he also knew there was nothing he could do to mend it, especially now.

"Look me in the eyes, Merlin." Mordred hissed, spitting out the warlock's name like it was poisonous. Tears threatened to spill out from his eyes as he became angrier and more distressed.

"No." Merlin whispered, his voice hoarse and dry. He felt like a snake was wrapped around his throat and tightening it's grip with every word he spoke. The pain in his chest was worse than when he'd been stabbed or shot, yet he didn't have any visible wounds.

"You don't even know how much I hate you right now." Mordred spat, loosening his grip on Merlin so he dropped to the floor. The young warlock winced, but not because he'd hit the ground; Mordred's words had hurt him more. "I trusted you and you betrayed me. I thought we were alike. I thought we could be friends. Clearly I was wrong."

And with that, Mordred quickly walked away, leaving a broken Merlin trying to collect himself on the floor. He wanted to burst into tears and die on the floor, but he still had duties. The young warlock had duties to the King and to Camelot. He had duties to himself. And for those reasons, he rose to his feet and hurried eagerly to do his chores. For once he was glad he was so busy; it would help distract him from the excruciating pain he could feel. It would help him forget about everything that had just happened and how he'd once again betrayed one of his kind.

/

Mordred ran his hands through his hair as he paced his room, trying to think of a plan that might work. He still remembered how he'd escaped Camelot as a boy, but that choice of route would be too obvious. Merlin would expect it and stop him in the act. The manservant knew the kingdom much better than he did, which meant he'd know the ones that the knights had to use. That meant he'd know all the ones Mordred knew and he'd probably look there first. Mordred had to think of a plan that could not be foiled. He had to find some way to distract Merlin.

"Mordred." Guinevere's voice said from the opposite side of the door, distracting him from his thoughts. The young knight quickly got rid of his frown and opened the door gently.

"Yes, my lady."

"How are you? You seemed to act horrified when that young girl was arrested." Guinevere said softly, her expression filled with genuine care.

"Fine, my lady. She just reminded me of someone I once knew, nothing more." Mordred replied slowly, trying not to add any emotions to his words, but still sound respectful.

Guinevere nodded her head, said goodbye and walked gracefully down the hall. Mordred slowly closed the door, leaning against it until it clicked, and then sunk to the floor behind it. His expression changed back to a frustrated frown and several tears flooded his eyes once more. A lone tear slid down his cheek as he thought of how she would be feeling. Mordred sighed, unsure of what to do, but knowing he would have to do it tonight before it was too late.

/

Merlin slumped down on the floor beside Arthur's bed, exhausted from all his work. He knew he wouldn't be able to rest for long, but that was better than no rest at all. The only problem with resting was that Merlin had nothing to distract him from all the thoughts swimming inside his head. He knew the thoughts were dangerous because they would lead to him breaking, and it wouldn't be practical for him to be seen crying before the King.

The door creaked and Merlin clumsily clambered to his feet. His balance didn't hold and, as Arthur strode in through the door, Merlin greeted the floor like an old friend. Arthur smirked as he saw the familiar sight of his useless manservant hugging the floor.

"Do you like it down there, Merlin?" The King smiled.

"Yes." Merlin said simply, trying not to seem like too much of a fool.

"Then you can spend more time down there and scrub the floors." Arthur grinned, crossing the room to look out of his window. His smile vanished as he watched the guards training, feeling troubled by the lack of spirit his youngest knight had. He watched them for a few more minutes before he turned to Merlin, who was swiftly scrubbing the floor.

"Do you think Mordred has been acting different lately?" Arthur said solemnly. "Like something has been troubling him. Whenever I see him, he seems angry or like all his hope and happiness has been drained from him."

Merlin swallowed, trying to rid himself of the dry lump choking him. "Maybe you are overworking him." He tried to say jokingly, but his voice sounded strained. His voice had surprised himself and it was definitely no surprise that when he glanced up, Arthur was frowning at him.

"Merlin." The King said slowly, trying to figure out if he'd missed something. "Why are you talking like that?"

"When overworked, your voice sometimes becomes strained. Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot that prats like you are never overworked so you wouldn't know that." Merlin tried to joke, but his voice was thick with tears. His thoughts were started to invade his head and overwhelm him. He didn't want to cry in front of the King, but he knew that soon, he wouldnt have a choice.

Arthur stared at Merlin as he turned his back to the King and lowered his head, concentrating on the floor. His manservant scrubbed the floor pathetically, obviously not thinking about his job. That meant something else was bothering him, and it clearly had something to do with Mordred, otherwise he wouldnt have flinched at the young knight's name.

"Merlin, what happened?" Arthur asked, walking around to the front of his manservant. He could see tears dripping onto the floor as he lowered himself. "Merlin, you are my friend. You can trust me."

Merlin nodded, lifting his head from the ground, but refusing to meet the King's gaze. He could feel tears rapidly pouring down his cheeks like a waterfall and he instantly felt his cheeks heat up. "I'm sorry," He whispered, feeling like it was compulsory to apologise for crying, especially as he was crying before the King.

"You don't need to apologise, Merlin." Arthur said, gently resting his hand on his manservant's shoulder. "Just tell me what's bothering you."

"I betrayed him." Merlin croaked, his voice barely audible above the sound of his soft whimpering. "He asked me to do something and I betrayed him. But it was for the best, even though it doesn't feel like it. It feels like I'm being torn apart. Like I'll never be happy again."

"What do you mean?" Arthur asked patiently, trying to make sense of Merlin's words.

"I never wanted to trust him, not after what I was shown, but some things aren't predicted. You don't know what's going to happen in the future, even if you've had a chance to see it. People never know who they will fall in love with like when you fell in love with Gwen or when I fell in love with a 'monster.' Freya was not a monster to me though, but she got killed for being thought of as one. Betraying him probably hurts me more than it hurts him, because it helped me discover things I didn't want to know."

"Talk sense, Merlin."

"I betrayed Mordred by giving up the position of his love. I discovered that he hates me more than anyone ever could, and that hurts more than you could ever know."

"You betrayed Mordred?" Arthur gasped, his eyes widening. "Why would you betray Mordred?"

"It was for the best, but that's not what it feels like. It feels like I'm dying. It feels like the world around me is burning and like I cannot breathe. Like someone has taken everything good in my life and has destroyed it."

"Why?" Arthur whispered, still trying to make sense of everything and not knowing what else to say.

"I figured it out. I know why it hurts so much but I can't say it. If I say it, then I'll know it's real."

"Merlin..."

"I love Mordred." Merlin whispered, closing his eyes and letting the tears flow.

/

_So, what do you think? :)_


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: I'm really sorry I haven't updated this in ages :c I was going to try and update it before episode 11, but that sort of failed._

_I was glad Kara died though. I absolutely hated that b***h. It absolutely broke my heart watching Mordred cry though. I cry every time I see a picture or gif of it because it just kills me._

_To be honest, what's happened isn't Merlin's fault like I thought it might be, it's not even Arthur's that much, it bloody Kara's!_

_I'm still going to stick to my original plan though:) _  
_I have a plan for another fanfiction from the last episode though. I'm going to spend a good section of Friday writing fanfictions!:D Dedication, woo!_

_Disclaimer: unfortunately, I don't own Merlin. Believe me, if I did, Merdred or Merthur would be canon :')_

_Sorry for my awful writing and please forgive me if I make spelling and grammar mistakes. Feel free to critique/criticise anything; I really don't mind._

_Enjoy c:_

/

Mordred smiled politely at the dungeon's guards as he passed, claiming that he had been ordered to check on them. When the guards turned their backs, his eyes glowed and they violently crashed into the nearest wall, the blow knocking them unconscious. Mordred winced looking at them, hating what he'd done but knowing he had no other choice. This was the only way she could escape without being caught.

He turned on his heels and sped towards the cell he had seen her been thrown into. As he approached her, he beamed, overjoyed that she way still alive. He thought she looked beautiful even though mud was clinging to her hair and face, along with smears of blood. Her eyes were filled with terror, but they danced with joy when she realised that her visitor was Mordred.

"We have to get you out of here!" Mordred shouted, trying to show her how much she really meant. His heart ached as he looked at her though because he knew that the price for releasing her was the trust of King Arthur. He would lose what he had as he knew Merlin would tell Arthur immediately.

"Thank you, Mordred." She whispered shakily, wiping her tear filled eyes with her filthy hands. Mordred smiled sadly at her, knowing that this was the right thing to do; he would have never been able to stand and watch as she died.

His eyes glowed a bright amber and the cell door flew swiftly across the room until it hit the opposite wall. It made a loud crash, but anyone, besides Mordred and Kara, that was close enough to hear it was unconscious. Mordred smiled as Kara ran out to greet him with a tight hug. He was happy to have her in his arms again, though his heart ached and something felt wrong. Biting his lip and trying to ignore the feeling, he turned to the one he'd risked everything for.

"We have to get you out of here."

"No, Mordred." Kara said loudly, wriggling herself out of his grasp. "There's something I must do. Someone in Camelot I have to visit."

"But, Kara..."

"Mordred, trust me." She said, softening her tone and placing a hand on his face. Mordred smiled at her weakly and nodded, trying to ignore the sick feeling growing in his stomach. He tried to swallow the thick, dry lump in his throat and trust her. It should have been easy to trust her with all his heart, but there was a part of him that wanted to lock her back in her cell. That part frightened him as he could never condemn the girl he loved to death, but he couldn't ignore it.

"Let's go, Mordred." Kara whispered, taking his hand and tugging on it.

/

"I don't know what to say, Merlin." Arthur whispered, completely surprised by the words that had come out of his manservant's mouth. Whatever he'd expected to be wrong, he never thought that Merlin would have said that. And how was he supposed to reassure Merlin?

"I know, Arthur. I'm sorry for dropping it upon you." Merlin whispered, his voice thick with tears. Several were running down his pale face and he quickly wiped them away. But no matter how often he tried to rid his face of tears, new ones would appear and stain his face once more.

"No man is worth your tears." Arthur said slowly, wondering if he was using it to the right context, but saying it confidently enough for Merlin to not know.

"I believe he is."

"Merlin..." Arthur sighed, reluctantly going to hug his manservant in attempt to make him feel better. As he put both his arms around him, the door swung open and Arthur quickly jumped backwards. Merlin smiled slightly, but his smile quickly faded as he lifted his head up.

"What are you doing here?" Merlin snarled, leaping to his feet. Arthur also quickly rises to his feet, clutching his hand tightly around his sword. Questions violently spun around in his head, most of which were answered when his youngest knight timidly entered the room. His eyes were dark and he looked like he was regretting everything he'd done. Nevertheless, he'd betrayed everyone.

"Boodimus hearnitean expectam mortimum." Kara spat, raising her arm and directing it at Arthur. Her eyes glowed orange and green light shot from her fingertips. Without thinking, Merlin dived forward, the spell hitting him square in the chest. He fell to the floor with a soft thud and blood quickly poured from his chest.

Terror filled Arthurs eyes as he watched his faithful manservant fall. He drew his sword from his belt and gripped it tightly, ready to fight to the death. Kara's eyes filled with anger as she realised her spell had missed the king. She raised her arm again and opened her mouth to perform the spell once more. And this time, she wouldn't fail.

Kara whispered the first word but got no further as she was thrown sideways like a rag doll. As her head hit the solid wall, she slumped to the floor, knocked out cold. "Sorry, Kara." Mordred whispered, lowering his hand.

Arthur sighed with relief, happy to still be breathing. He nodded to Mordred thankfully, barely caring that he'd used magic. And then he remembered everything that had happened.

"Merlin!" Arthur gasped, darting towards his manservant and leaning over his limp body. He gently placed his hand on Merlin's wrist, desperately searching for a pulse. There was still one there, but it was weak.

Arthur looked up at Mordred, surprised to be greeted by a tear-stained face. Or maybe he was surprised because the young knight currently didn't seem to care about the girl he'd just thrown aside, but was hysterically crying whilst staring at the half-dead boy lying unconsciously on the floor.

"Get Gaius!" Arthur shouted. "We need to help Merlin!"

Mordred nodded shakily, turning on his heels and stumbling quickly out the door, rushing to find the old physician.

/

_So... What did you think? I wrote the majority of this in a maths lesson because who cares about school and stuff :')_

_Sorry it's quite short..._


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N: Hello again people :) I'm in maths... Again :L _  
_I like not doing my work :) _  
_Obviously when I upload this, I'm not still in maths though. I think I'd die if I was..._

_Do you know what I absolutely hate?! I absolutely f***ing hate it when people say Mordred is evil. Mordred is NOT evil! I could seriously rant to/at people that do call him evil._

_Disclaimer: As much as I wish I did, I don't own Merlin._

_Sorry for my awful writing and please forgive me if I make spelling and grammar mistakes. Feel free to critique/criticise anything; I really don't mind._

/

"It's all my fault." Mordred sobbed, refusing to move his face from his shaking hands. His throat felt dry and he found it difficult to breathe, but he still could. He felt like his head was on fire as his crying had caused him a burning headache, yet still, he was unable to stop. Whatever consequences he'd expected from releasing Kara, he'd never thought that losing Merlin could be one of them.

"Gaius can keep him alive." Arthur said slowly, his voice hoarse and dry. He was considering crying himself, but he knew he had to be strong for everyone else. "But he doesn't know if he'll ever properly heal. He may-" Arthur swallowed, trying to get rid of the thick lump clogging up his throat. "Merlin may remain in a coma for the rest of his life."

"NO." Mordred shouted as a wave of complete despair filled his body. "He can't."

Arthur swallowed, trying to remain calm. He closed his eyes, hoping he could find some peace of mind and ignore the quavering chandelier above them. But that wasn't the only thing moving. The nearby chairs were rattling with fear and the decorations were shaking violently.

"Mordred." Arthur said firmly, opening his eyes and lowering himself to his young knight's level. "Calm down."

"How can I calm down?" Mordred said angrily, lifting his head and looking at Arthur with exasperation. Tears were rapidly flowing down his pale face and his eyes were bloodshot. "How can I do anything when it's all my fault?! What am I supposed to-"

Mordred was cut off when a loud crash filled the air. Glass sprayed the floor and Arthur turned away quickly, shielding his face. The floor shook and metal clanged.

"I'm sorry." Mordred whispered, shocked by his own powers and also scared by them. Blood accompanied the tears running down his face as he pulled a small glass shard out of his right cheek. "And I'm sorry if you want to kill me because of who I am. I was going to tell you."

"Mordred, I trust that you'd use your powers for nothing but good, and for those reasons you need to calm down. You don't want to hurt anyone." Arthur said slowly and softly, trying to reassure his youngest knight as best as he could.

Mordred nodded, wiping his eyes and trying to ignore his aching heart. He couldn't prevent his hands from shaking, or the tears from pouring down his face, but he felt less worried about being executed. Breathing deeply, he closed his eyes and tried to concentrate on something that would making him happy. An image of Merlin filled his head, grinning lopsidedly at him. The image made him happier, but his heart ached more, knowing that he may never see the kings manservant like that again.

"Who was she, Mordred? How did you know her?" Arthur asked quietly, trying not to upset the young knight again. He hadnt wanted to ask the question until everything was okay again, but he'd become unable to contain his curiosity.

"My friend." Mordred whispered, opening his eyes again. "Well, she was more than my friend. She was special to me and she always lived in my heart. Kara always had such a good heart, but I guess that changed." He sighed, wiping more tears from his cheeks. "We grew up together with the druids. I left her two years ago to go on a mission to fully understand my powers. That's when I got roped in with the bandits that worked for Morgana. And then, well you know the rest. When I saw her in the forest, I couldn't believe it was her and I certainly couldnt let her get caught. When she was caught, I couldn't bare the thought of her dying and I had to let her go. I thought I was in love." Mordred stopped and closed his eyes once more, letting the tears quickly flood down his face.

"But you weren't?"

"I only realised who I was truly in love with when I watched her hurt them. Merlin can't die. I wouldn't be able to deal with it." He whispered, covering his face and violently crying into his hands once more.

"Mordred..." Arthur said softly, putting his hand on his young knights shoulder and trying to help him remain calm. He wanted to say something reassuring like that Merlin would make it through this, but he couldn't promise that. "You could go to him..."

Mordred looked up at the king with big eyes. "But what if he's not okay?"

"Trust me, Mordred, he'd prefer it if you were with him."

/

_I know this isn't much of a chapter, but I still hope you liked it :) _


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N: Meow :3_

_I'm sorry if quite a few of my author notes are filled with my opinions and rants and stuff, but I just have to say it. People say that Mordred and Merlin can't be together because of their age differences. I don't even think their age difference would be that much, maybe like 4/5 years or something. I have reasons for thinking 4/5 years, but I cant really be bothered to write them down c:_  
_Quite honestly, when me and my best friend watched episode 2 of season 5 and she said she shipped Merlin/Mordred, I just went 'NOOO!' I actually couldn't stand the idea, and I was like "What about their age differences?" That was stupid of me to even think that because age doesn't matter. It doesn't matter in the slightest. As long as it's legal and you're in love, who cares? Like I said, Mordred and Merlin don't even have that big of an age difference. Quite a lot of families have bigger differences: ten years, fifteen years, maybe even twenty years. My grandad remarried about ten years ago to someone twenty four years younger than him, but they were in love, they still are, so why does it matter? As long as it's legal and love, who cares? I fucking don't. _

_Not saying anyone has, but don't hate against Merdred; it's awesome and so cute :3 My opinion, but :D_

_Also, sorry this is late. I wrote it before the latest episode, but I couldnt upload it as I was at my Dad's house who has no Internet :'( It's torture!_

_I think Arthur was being real mean to/about Merlin in the latest episode :c_  
_And I still don't think that Mordred will kill Arthur. Either Merlin will stop him or he won't be able to do it. If Mordred dies though, I'm going to cry and kill someone. _

_Disclaimer: As much as I wish I did, I don't own Merlin._

_Sorry for my awful writing and please forgive me if I make spelling and grammar mistakes. Feel free to critique/criticise anything; I really don't mind._

/

"It's time for war." Morgana smiled, turning to the people around her. "Time to over-throw Arthur so I can take back what's rightfully mine."

"Long live the rightful queen!" The warlocks and sorcerers chanted, completely believing that what Morgana was doing was right. They wanted to fight with her until death so they could live happily once more. They would die so Morgana could be queen and so that magic was accepted once more. They would gladly die putting an end to that stupid Pendragon king.

Morgana smirked, knowing that the knights were nothing compared to her people. "Then let's go."

/

Mordred gawped at Merlin's frail, limp body, horrified by the amount of blood. He knew that Merlin was strong enough to withstand it all, and continue to live, but he was still terrified that the warlock would never wake. Mordred knew that he wouldn't be able to cope if that happened; it was his fault that Merlin was in this position and he loved him more than he would normally care to admit. He'd been foolish to believe that he'd loved Kara as what he felt for Merlin was different and so much stronger. By watching him get hurt, Mordred had managed to realise what the unidentified feeling he'd had actually was. But it was too late now. Too late to do anything.

"Sit down, Mordred." Gaius said gently, trying not to cry himself. He wanted to heal his young companion more than anything, but his heart would never take the strain. Even trying would result in his death and he knew the young warlock would not be happy if he woke to find his fatherly figure dead beside him.

"Thank you, Gaius." Mordred whispered, placing himself awkwardly on the stool beside Merlin's bed. He wanted to say something that would reassure the old physician, but he couldn't even convince himself that Merlin would be okay. Biting his lip and trying not to lose his mind again, Mordred lowered his face into his own hands. He couldn't bare to see the blood surrounding his friend and he knew that it wouldn't help Gaius to see someone else so upset.

"How is he?" Mordred croaked, regretting asking immediately. Gaius looked at him with sad eyes, wanting to say he would wake up any minute, but they both knew it wasn't true.

"Um..." Gaius cleared his throat, trying to sound less panicked and upset. "His pulse has steadied and is stronger, so he shouldn't... He shouldn't die. I don't know if he'll ever wake though. The bleeding is eternal and the spell damaged his whole body. Only time will tell what shall happen."

Mordred nodded, biting his lip to stop himself from breaking down again. Several tears spilled down his face, but he managed to keep the majority of them at bay. A metallic taste filled his mouth as he bit down on his lip harder, the pain stopping him.

"I'll leave you alone with him." Gaius said softly, collecting several things and leaving before the young knight could object.

Mordred shuffled awkwardly on his stool, wanting to pour his heart out to Merlin, but afraid that he actually might hear him. He feared that if Merlin remembered what he'd said and then woke up, he might actively avoid him. The young knight knew he wouldn't be able to handle that, like he wouldnt be able to handle Merlin dying. He didn't want anyone to die, not even Kara or Morgana, but that's what happened. People died and it was a part of life. It was something you couldnt stop from happening, only watch.

"I'm sorry, Merlin." Mordred whispered, knowing it would be better to just speak his heart. "Its my fault that this happened. I didn't want Kara to die so I let her escape, but I didn't know this would happen. I thought we could just run together, but she insisted that she had something to do in Camelot first. I didn't think she would try to kill Arthur! It's typical of you to jump in front of him, but it proves your loyalty. That's one thing I admire about you- you'd gladly die to protect the people you care for. I would die to save you, I really would. I can't bare seeing you like this. I can feel the shattered remains of my heart aching as I look at you because I know that this is my fault." Mordred swallowed, biting back tears. Some he could not stop from running down his cheeks, but he still tried his best.

"Since I became a knight, and spent more time around you, I started to feel something. I couldn't identify the feeling, but it often left me confused, sad or warm inside. I always felt safe around you and I saw something special, but not because you are Emrys. You were always so kind to everyone, never wanting to treat them differently. Everyone except me, but I started to understand why. I heard of what was destined to kill Arthur and I realised you thought that could be me. I can assure you this, Merlin, I would never kill Arthur. I wouldn't be able to bare it because it would break you heart and destroy you. And that would kill me. I will always remain loyal to you and to Arthur, even if it means I'll die."

Mordred shuffled on his stool, knowing he'd been talking for too long, but not knowing how to say what he wanted to say. He took a deep breath, clearing his throat and rapidly wiping his tear-filled eyes. "Merlin, please don't die. I need you." The young knight pleaded, hoping that Merlin could hear him. "I wish I had realised it sooner so I could have told you properly, but..."

Mordred gulped, tears flowing from his eyes like waterfalls. "Merlin, I love you." He whispered, shaking furiously as he rose to his feet. Leaning down, Mordred lightly kissed Merlin's forehead, his lips quivering as he did so. "I'm so sorry." He whispered. "For everything."


End file.
